...I am not perfect. What? You already knew? Yeah, me too.
That is not necessarily a bad thing. It leaves all sorts of room for improvement and new found awesomeness.
Today was a less than perfect mommy day. Some, most, days are better than others. This was the opposite of better. But only during the witching hour between 5pm and 6pm when at some point Kevin arrives home.
I lost it. Like really lost it on Karaia. Unkind tone, harsher than necessary words. She came to me later and said, "Mom, can I talk to you? I've rehearsed this but I don't want you to get mad."
"Make sure you don't say anything disrespectful/rude and I won't." (yes, I recognized the irony as I said then too)
In a very loving way she said, "You always tell me I can use kinder words and tone instead of just going straight to saying things angry and I feel like you could have used kinder words and tone."
And then she left.
I was left with my thoughts and my heart. What she said was not new to me. I'd been giving myself the same lecture since the words flew out of my mouth. But I was so, so proud of her. The bursting kind of proud. She had been listening.....AND learning. Learning enough to teach.
I was proud of her for loving me enough to teach me. I was proud of her for doing it in a loving way. And I was proud of her for understanding her role in what happened and while I definitely could have delivered my words better she knew the core of the message was true and she owned her part in that.
We both had a good cry and lots of sorrys and I love yous. I am grateful for the hard, real feelings and emotions we share around this home. It makes me excited for our future.