Friday, June 19, 2009


For Family Home Evening (FHE) a few weeks ago I had created some charts to help us get back on track with our family and personal prayers and scripture reading. The big empty space at the bottom of each chart was perfect for a personal picture to help us remember what the chart was for.

I had instructed the children to draw something meaningful that would draw their attention and remembrance to the meaning of the chart. Karaia and Beckham both chose to draw a picture of the family. I chose to draw a picture of scriptures.

At that point I had to go inside to feed Sanders. Shortly after, I can hear Karaia having a royal meltdown, outside, where all the neighbors were sure to have prime seating. I mean she had lost it. I soon realized Kevin was moving her inside, thank goodness, "Shows over everyone. Nothing to see here. Go back to your quiet evenings." I can hear her bedroom door shut and mad, 6 year old, kicks against the closed door. Its times like these that I always find it helpful to present the United Parental Front and hurried down stairs to see how I could be of help.

I found Kevin holding the door shut, laughing until tears where coming down his face. Meanwhile, Karaia is using all the muscles she owns to try and open the door. After asking Kevin to open the door I was bombarded with, "HE DREW A PLAIN OL' ROCK!!!" to which Kevin nearly started rolling on the floor with laughter.

I looked at her, stunned. "This is what you are freaking out about? You are throwing a fit because Dad drew a rock?"

"A PLAIN OL' ROCK!" She corrected.

That's when I started laughing. I mean you should have seen her. It was as if she had turned into the Tasmanian devil who was also half fish, what with the spinning around and the flopping and kicking on the floor. All because of a drawing?

Through his laughter Kevin tried to explain, "Karaia, you didn't let me tell you what I was drawing."

Trying to be the mediator I suggested, "Karaia, why don't you ask Dad what he drew?"


I felt bad, but Kevin and I could not help ourselves at this point. The emotions coming from her little frame didn't match the situation she was in.

"Karaia, *snicker* I drew **snicker** a PRAYER rock."


And just like that the typhoon of emotions was over and Karaia was once again a sweet little girl. Not at all resembling a Tasmanian devil fish. The drawing was now an acceptable choice and Karaia went on to plan on what colors she was going to use to fill in her chart.

So are we calling it a successful FHE? Hmmmm, not sure, but at least it was memorable.


(Note: I know these are all about Beckham, but Karaia and Tennyson don't speak of crazy things like the other boy does. I am always on the look out for 'Karaia' stories but, at this point, she seems to be less stream-of-consciousness speaking than her brother)

Beckham asked Kevin, "Dad, can you marry your friends?"

"Yes. Is there someone you are thinking about marrying?"

"Megan" in a soft whispy sigh came the reply.

"Well, you are a little young for that right now."

Then later in the day Beckham groaned, "UGH! I forgot to tell Megan I was going to marry her when she was over earlier today!"

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Spanish World

Beckham just came up to me randomly, as Beckham often does and asked," Mom, do kids in Spanish World speak Spanish?"


"Even if they're not graduated?"

"Graduated from what?"


"Yes. Kids who are little like Tennyson speak Spanish if they live in Spanish World (I didn't feel like correcting him on the location of Spanish speakers)"

"Oh. But we speak English. The only one who can speak Spanish is Dad. Bye."

And off he runs. To dream about someday making a trip to Spanish world to meet all those uneducated babies who somehow speak Spanish.

Monday, June 15, 2009


Tennyson is two!

What a sweet little boy you are. You are so very polite. More often than not you tell me, "No, Dank oo, Mommy." if you don't want to do take a nap.

You always, always, tell me, " Dank oo, Mommy" when I hand you something or get you a drink.

You love to tell your brothers and sister, "Moring" when you see them for the first of the day since you are, without question, the first one up every morning.

You LOVE momodydles (motorcycles) and babahoo (basketball hoop). That's what you got for your birthday and have hardly looked at your other toys since.

I made you a motorcycle birthday cake with the race track in the shape of a two.

(We had to have Grandpa driving off the edge---just to honor his broken collar bone )

Cup Cake Toppers in case anyone forgot who were the big birthday boys....
and how old they were!

It was a big hit with you. So much so that people almost didn't get to see the finished product because I had to keep stopping you from driving the motorcycles around the track.

You are a very loved little boy and most of your extended family was able to make it to your party. The best part of your birthday is that you get to share it with your Grandpa Jim.

I think that is so wonderful and I hope you grow up feeling the same way. He loves you so much and he is a pretty amazing man. You should feel honored to share the day with him.

You have a big smile for everyone and there is just something about you that makes people want to spend time with you. You radiate love through those sparkley eyes of yours. That's the best way to describe it.

Of course you have your moments that are spent screaming at Beckham, but I think that's because you've figured out that occasionaly it is his fault and secretly you like to see him get in trouble. Mom and Dad have been doing much better at asking questions first, now, before we lay down the law.

You love washing your hands, taking baths, and anything else that involves water.

You adore your bike and in general being outside.

You are busy but delightful and easy to please.

You kind of have a mush-mouth way of speaking, but Dad, I, and your sibblings can always understand you. We really enjoy having our own secret language but it is nice that you are starting to branch out to English as well so that others can share in your thoughts.

You love tickling and wrestling. Dirt and bugs. A true boy.

I love you, Tennyson!!! I am lucky to be your mom.

Love, Mom

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Its over

Its over.


I am still trying to nurse for the one feeding at night.

I couldn't watch him be hungry anymore.

I just couldn't.

I missed 4 feedings on Thursday and my body didn't feel a thing. No engorgement. Nothing.

That's when you know you don't make enough to sustain a life.

I'm sad, but its freeing in a way. I would do anything, give anything, for my children. Anything. But its nice to have my body all to myself.

Its nice to be able to share the responsibility of nourishment with others. Karaia and Beckham have loved being able to feed Sanders.

So, its over, but its not the end. Thankfully most things in life come attached with happy and sad parts.

I have mourned the sad parts.

Time to focus on the happy.

Friday, June 5, 2009

The beginning of the end and the beginning

Karaia is officially no longer in Kindergarten.

I feel like an empty-nester.


I just know I am going to blink and when I open my eyes she will be married and have a kindergartner all her own.

If I always had this feeling I think I would parent differently. Maybe that's why grandparents are the way they are because the DO always have this feeling as their children have already, permanently, left the nest. Serving as a constant reminder for them that it really is a very short period of time that we get to have these little ones, little.

I wanted to mark the beginning of the end with a fun new tradition for our family, mostly so I could keep the tears away (I did shed a few when my eyes were behind the lens). Also, to mark the beginning of Summer and have my kids make a clean break from school and just be kids for a few months.

I had forgotten that I wanted to do this so the banner isn't as cute as I had envisioned but Karaia and Sophie, the friend from next door, loved it anyway.

(The sign says, "Welcome To Summer!
Next year will be much better)

Plus we seriously have the perfect entry way for this kind of thing.

Karaia and Sophie ready to "break" out the summer fun.

There's my future 1st grader. Adorable.

My friends, the banner has been broken. Welcome to Summer!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

3 months

Mr Sanders turned 3 months yesterday!

It really has flown by so fast.

Look at how long he is!

He is a very serious baby. Which makes his giggles and smiles even more of a treasure. He is very sweet and often coos at me telling the best stories you have ever heard. For the most part he is pretty calm unless he is hungry, which unfortunately, due to the lack of enough milk production, is more often than not.

Nursing has been a struggle from the get go. I've never produced enough milk to nurse for an entire year as I've hoped for, but I usually have a pretty good supply for the first few months. This has not been the case with Sanders.

A few things have helped a bit.

I have stopped worrying about the last twenty pounds. Apparently my body needs that extra weight to make even the smallest amount of milk. So I will just be Fatty McFatterson this summer and I am good with that.

I have started drinking Mothers Milk two to three times a day. Its an herbal tea created from fennel, aniseed, coriander, fenugreek, and blessed thistle. All herbs associated with milk production.

I have offered up countless personal prayers on the subject and received priesthood blessings.

And yet it is never enough.

When I pump I only get 1 1/2 oz most of the time.

Often feedings end in tears; either mine or his.

Why continue?

I ask myself this question every feeding. It is SO hard. I want him to be full. I don't like having to distract him and trick him into being done. I hate it. It would be so much easier to feed him formula and he would be fine and healthy. I know, the other three ended up on formula as well and they are wonderful.

I guess it comes down to wanting to make sure I tried my very best and did all that I could. And he is sleeping 8 hour stretches at night so I know he is getting enough to survive, but maybe just barely.

I don't really want opinions on this subject. I know. Everyone is aching to give me advice on what I should do. I'm sure the answer must seem so obvious. Thank you for your love, but its a decision I have to make and its not up for debate or advice or whispers about it when I'm not around. I really struggled with even posting about it. But I decided it has been such a huge portion of his whole life that it needed to be documented.

At his two month appointment he was in the 14th percentile in weight. My smallest baby yet. I will give it one more month. If at his next appointment the percentile is less than that I will run up the white flag and be proud of the effort despite mourning the outcome.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The last monday

Here is my cute Karaia all ready for her last Monday in kindergarten.


She is beyond excited to go to school all day next year. Me, not so much.

Karaia is excited for three recesses and lunch at school.

It's hard to be sad when they are just so happy.

Still, it's the end of a chapter with her. She has been under mostly my supervision for the last 6 1/2 years. Come September that changes. Most of her day will be spent with others. I can only hope and pray that she makes good choices and good friends. I know heart aches and sorrows that she has been spared from are soon to cross her path. In that same spirit, I know that joy and excitement that she has not know are also soon to be experienced.

I find this time in my life to be a bit roller coaster-y. Its fun and sad to watch your children grow up. You wouldn't change it and yet you want it to remain the same.

I am proud of my little girl. She's not so little anymore but she is still mine and I guess that never changes.

Sanders' Blessing

Sanders was blessed May 31. Kevin gave a beautiful blessing and I actually got to hear it because Amy took Tennyson out in the hall (Thanks Amy!).

Despite being able to listen to it, I can't seem to remember much. Weird. The thing that sticks out most is that Sanders was blessed with a desire to find a girl and marry her in the temple. I love that. Mostly because it truly has to be HIS desire. I can hope for it all I want and teach him to the best of my abilities but if the drive does not come from him it won't matter much.

We had lots of family there and were grateful that the weather held off just long enough for everyone to get something to eat, enjoy the beautiful yard and company (because I'll tell you what, you were all looking pretty fantastic), and run inside to beat the rain.

Thank you. We felt very loved.

My cute family.
Tennyson is absent in this picture because he was running a very high fever all through sacrament meeting. We came home and put him right to bed. He slept through the whole party and had no idea we had had so many people over. Turns out he has tonsillitis.

Kevin, Sanders, and Me, with Kevin's parents, Jim and Candace

Great-Grandma Janice

My Mom, April and Step-dad, Dave

My Dad, Guy

Karaia ( I love this picture)

Thank goodness he grew a bit from the last time he had this on. The collar is ever so slightly less looking like a head-eating Elvis collar

I can't figure out who he looks like. What do you think?

This next photo is my favorite. Only because it accentuates his skinny tooth pick arms. His legs are just as skinny. I think it makes him look slightly like a bobble-head. Love it!

We love you little Sanders. You are a very serious little baby, but your smiles are worth all the effort!