Thursday, February 3, 2011

Stream of thought

I seriously have no clue what to write about tonight.

So I guess I just start typing and see what my mind is hiding from me.

The day was relitively normal.


Tell the kids to get in the van for school.

Have the 2 younger ones yell at me for interrupting their morning.

Have the 2 older ones act as if they have never gotten in the van before and need reminders to put one foot in front of the other.

Run the kids to school

Play with Sanders.

pick kids up from school.

Go to Costco to pick up ,my friend's sister's book Gifted (I know! Her first book and it debuted in Costco!!!! I support the big dreamers so I HAD to buy it.)

The day continues pretty much the same.  More pick ups and drop offs. More resistance from the kids.

Something has got to change. I can't handle writing posts like this every.single.night.

It embarrassing and depressing.

Sure, I don't have to write this stuff out, but then the blog would be about hiding what is really going on and I'm sure those who really know me, know that I don't like to hide feelings.

I can't change anyone but me. Which makes the whole situation feel that much weightier. Somehow, what I am doing is helping fuel this unwanted behavior.

Talk about Mommy guilt.

What I DON'T want are comments telling me I am doing great. Thank you if you think that, but I am looking for solutions, not coddling.

What I DO want are examples from your own lives that you have helped foster a dependability and respect in your children.

I don't care if you've never commented before or not. I want change and for that to happen I need to grow and learn.

I have to believe there is something that can change my attitude to help create the family dynamic I dream about.


Chrissy said...

So we've already talked I know, but I re-read this and wanted to post a few thoughts.

Tomorrow you need to go Anne Shirley. "Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it." Every gets a blank slate and new start, including you Mom!

You've heard the saying "Love is a decision." Your mantra can be "Calm is a choice." For one day, don't fight the kids. The world won't end if they are all late for school one day. They won't starve if they refuse to eat breakfast. No one is going to check if their socks match the rest of the outfit or are clean. Let them learn that there are consequences to each choice in a real world setting. Issue gentle reminders and don't step in to shield them from learning some lessons the hard way. (These are just examples, not that I think you are really worrying about all of them...)

Take a mental health day and deliberately choose a few responsibilities to shirk (just for the day) and use the time to do something to replenish your spirit.

If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! So taking care of your self, even being a little selfish now and then, will be good for the whole family in the long run. :)

Sarah said...

I don't know that anything else needs to be said after Chrissy's comment, but I'll add my thought anyway.

I've had these same thoughts, these same struggles. I'm the adult, I should be able to control my temper. Why why why am I fighting with a 2/5 yr old?

What it's come down to for me, and I don't have the complete answer yet, is that I need to figure out the root of what is making me annoyed/angry and then deal with that. Why am I getting so upset with the behavior? It is because they learn the behavior from me and I feel like they are mirroring my worst self?

I don't think this is helpful. Oh well. I'm still working on it. Good luck.

Lawson Family said...

It's hard to follow after comments like that, but I have tried (and I am still trying) to pick my battles. When I keep running into the the same struggle with my children (i.e. Me and Brightynn getting upset over her clothing combinations) I have to think about what I want the end goal to be. I would love for her to match..BUT more imortantly I want her to be modest and dressed for the weather. Really. So, if she covers those two criterias, I've got to let that control go.

On a sidenote, I don't think people tell you that you're doing a great job to coddle you. You are doing a great job and the fact that you're asking for advice is just another example of that!

my rebel took over said...

Hard to follow those great comments. I agree with what's been said already, but can I just say...Don't be so hard on yourself, Em (and I realize this isn't what you want to hear). None of us will ever, I repeat EVER have a fully cooperative offspring. And the people/magazine articles we compare ourselves to are not reality. Those are "Sunday faces". I have slowly learned to ignore people with Sunday faces in most areas of my life and it has been freeing. I can only do the best I can at keeping this family moving in the right direction and my best is different on a daily basis.

It turns out I'm a very impatient mother. That's my daily battle. I very often say something and then take a deep breath and take back my previous statement with something like, "Grace, I'm sorry. Mommy overreacted again. If you want to (insert crazy way she chooses to handle any number of things here), then go for it. And usually I just follow it up with a few guidelines to keep it in the realm of acceptable.

I don't know that this will help at all, but I know that how closely I stick to bedtimes directly effects the level of stubborness and cooperation I get the following day. We're pretty rigid about bedtime around here. For instance, we let the girls stay up about 1/2 an hour late last night and this morning at the bus stop Grace was kicking the snow-ice and it was spraying on other people (not on purpose). I tried to nicely tell her what she was doing, but after physically moving her twice, she lost the use of her DS for the day. It's up for debate whether that's her fault for not listening or ours for not getting her to bed on time.

And just for the record...Don't stop sharing the good, the bad AND the ugly! It makes your blog real and it's one of the things I love most about it. I try to share more than our best moments too. It keeps you approachable, if that makes sense...No Sunday face around here!