two steps back

We had a great lesson on being grateful today.

Finding the silver lining.

That sort of thing.

But right now I just feel discouraged and disappointed.

I've gained some of the weight back. In just two short weeks. How much, I won't know for sure until tomorrow. I am going to have GPP weigh and measure me.

I. am. terrified.

I struggled these last two weeks eating like a normal human being. I just love food that much and it is hard to deny myself something I love.

But all that work I did for six weeks! Argh. 

So, I am going back on the diet for four weeks to regain some sense of control over myself. I will however, manipulate when my off days are so I can enjoy family gatherings a bit more fully. So normally the off days come every fourth day. But if I had a family gathering on the third day, I would make the third day my off day and then have FOUR on days instead of three.

I'm not in it to lose more weight than I lost the first round, but I need to know, for myself, that I am in control of my body and actions and not the other way around.

So the silver lining of all of this?

I am grateful I don't have to do this alone. The trainers at Gpp are awesome and will encourage and support me. And my cousin, Chrissy, is always good for a nice dose of realistic expectations.