Signing THE contract

It happened.

I am talking about IT !

Today, on this very normal day in October, I signed a contract agreeing to let some very nice people use my designs on fabric! I am officially a fabric designer!

PS don't you LOVE the desk I refinished?!?!! Sigh. It makes me super happy.

I seriously can't believed I just typed that and it's not even an exaggeration! Or an imagination. Or a dream! It's reality. My reality no less.

Wow.

It makes me tear up with joy.

I can't spill who it is with yet, but I promise you are going to want to start following me because things are going to start moving quickly!

OK, here's the back story:

I work for Pick Your Plum and a new sister company called Downtown Tape. DTT just launched at the beginning of August and hit the ground running. By the end of August I was drowning in my work load. We had been asked to be part of Scrapbook USA's expo when we were one week old and I had the great opportunity to plan the booth and get everything organized. With the expo came a couple of TV slots, that I was lucky enough to be part of, and all of the behind the scenes prep work you would imagine. Thankfully, my sister, Annie, was in on everything with me. She is one to have on your team if you want to get things done!

Me and Annie after putting together the booth all day. Don't judge. At the time, we were hilarious.  Promise.

ANYWAY, back to the drowning feeling. There were just too many nights I would go to sleep realizing my children and I had been in the same house together ALL day and I had not really seen them. That was not OK. They weren't going to be little forever. I wasn't working because I have to. My jobs are hobbies. I enjoy them. I don't make much money, but that isn't why I'm doing it. One day I woke up and it was ALL I was doing. Not cool.

So I decided that DTT had to go. That was a hard, hard, HARD decision to walk away from something that is so successful that you've been with from the beginning. Hard! By the time the expo rolled around at the end of September, even though I knew I had made the right decision, I finally felt it. I was fine walking away. I was excited to put that energy toward my kids.

The first day of the expo, September 28th, we were busy! We had a small 10 x 10 space and for the first 4 hours had a minimum of 20 women in that space with us all buying our washi tape . It was a blast! I remember hearing my phone ring a couple of times, but we were so busy I did not have one second to even look at it.

It's cute right!

After the biggest rush ended I glanced at my phone. I saw one number I didn't recognize and then Kevin's.  I called Kevin and he asked if I'd gotten a call from a girl I knew of, but had never met. I told him I didn't know because I hadn't had much time to be with my phone. He went on to explain that someone I have many mutual friends with, but had yet to personally meet, had been following my blog. Not only had she been following my blog, but she was starting her own fabric manufacturing company and she wanted to talk....to me....about my designs.

Hold. the. phone!

I remember being in shock. I didn't have time to really process what I had just been told. The craziness of the booth demanded my attention. For the next two days I held it in my heart until I could really let it soak in.

From there we talked. New company. Not launched yet. New business model. LOVE your designs. We are so excited by them. We would like you to be a part of this. And my favorite quote from all of this

"Well, if people are ever critical of you being so open with your dreams and if they ever tell you not to be too public... you can ignore them. If you hadn't been so gushingly excited about your goal to design fabric, I would have never known you were interested or even trying. So I am anxious to see where this takes us."

Chills. For sure.

Until today. Less than one month, a mere 27 days, from the first call. The signing of a contract!!!!!!!!!! After I signed and they signed I squealed, "YAY!!! Can we hug?"

"Ummm....sure...if you want to...I guess..." ( It was a man. I'm pretty sure I terrified him)

"Oh GOOD! 'Cause I'm a hugger!"

That's right I sucked him right out of business world straight into Emilie-land. In my defense, we were in my home. There's a certain level of realness I like to maintain when I am home. My real self hugs people when she's happy. I told him to get used to it. Again....terrified him. ;)

Do I think that it's a coincidence that on the day that I had finally, truly made peace with letting go of something that was taking me away from my family I got THE call. The call I have been working towards for three years. A call that came out of the blue, unsolicited, and gifted to me.

No. I absolutely do not.

When I told Annie about the call she made a good observation that I could just be possibly taking one thing off my plate only to fill it with something else and thus my plate would be too full once again.

But it hasn't felt that way. Thankfully, it hasn't been that way either.

What it has felt like is a blessing for doing a hard thing. For walking away from something really good to make room for something even better. To allow my Heavenly Father to take me down the road HE needs me to go. So I can be in the places I can do the best good. Make the most difference. Be who He sent me to be.

And do you know what? I have made more time for my kids. I have stopped in the middle of MY agenda to just be with them in whatever adventure they have created from that day. I have not had one. single. sleepless. night because I felt regret from not spending the time with them they deserve. Not one. It feels really good.

That's HUGE for me. That used to be an every night event I took part in.

I haven't had a moment of mommy guilt because I am also chasing BIG dreams. I am being the mom I want to be. Of course I am not perfect. That just keeps it interesting ;) But I am better. I am more intentional. I am soaking in all their little soul's goodness and tucking it away in my heart so I can snuggle with it when they are too old to be snuggled.

So the phone call was a gift, in more ways than I even realized until now. Letting DTT go was a gift. Trusting that He knew more than me is always a gift. I am SO excited to start this new part of the journey. I still cannot believe the waiting is over!

It's a good day, my friends. An extraordinarily good day!

If I could be so bold to ask for even more awesomeness today, if you read this, would you leave me a little comment below. I print this blog off as a book and I want to document every piece of this part of the journey and remember everyone who celebrated with me!

Thank you!

You can't compare

I found myself drooling over Amy Butler's new fabric line, Soul Blossoms. I did not care for Ms. Butler's last line, Love, but Soul Blossoms? I can not stop thinking about it!

The timing of my discovery was a bit unfortunate as I was taking a brief brake from designing my own fabric line by surfing the web. Talk about intimidation! Not only that, but I found myself comparing her 9th line to my yet-to-be-born-line. I know better than to compare my work in progress to someones best work, but I did it anyway.

I felt SO unqualified to even have such a dream that would put my talent anywhere near the same industry as hers.

Then my best friend called. She is the best! I had just sent her some of my designs....before I had seen the Soul Blossom line....and she called to tell me she and just barely opened them and said, "Ooooooo! Pretty!"

Be. still. my. soul.

I expressed to her my feelings of inadequacy and she, as always, helped me game plan a few directions I can take my designs to get closer to the feeling I want them to convey.

So I now feel hopeful, talented enough to have big dreams, and excited to work my little tail off to make them come true.

I don't want to copy Amy Butler. She is incredible and a great inspiration. But the world already has one of her. What they don't have is a me and I happen to think that there is just enough room for the both of us......at least I hope so anyway.

A skill I don't have

I'm feeling a little, blah. It happens about every other week lately. I can't quite pin down the cause.

I suspect it has to do with wanting my house to look and feel something like this



And instead it feels (and kind of looks) like this


It's not THAT bad, but it's not nearly as good as the first picture. The main rooms that are bugging me......well actually it might be easier to list the rooms that aren't bugging me.

The rooms on the acceptable list are:

Tennyson's room
Dinning room

(although there are still design elements in there I want to add and some furniture painting I want to do---but other than that it feels mostly organized)

Kitchen

(again, design elements missing, but I can get it organized quickly----I must point out this does NOT include the pantry.)

Main Floor Bathroom

(design elements.....yada yada yada)

Basement floor Bathroom

Aaaaaaaaand we're done. Depressing right?

The unacceptable rooms are:

Master bed room
Master bathroom
Sander's room
Family room
Office
Karaia's room
Beckham's room
Sewing room
Playroom
Pantry
Hallway closet
Laundry room
Garage

Sigh.

Now we're not just talking decorating, we are talking functionality; i.e organization.

I've surrounded myself with friends and family very skilled in this area for years, hoping that a glimmer of their talent to organize everyday life would rub off on me. And it has, a very little. But when my whole house feels like a big ball of Christmas lights tangled up the year before it's a bit daunting to even come up with a game plan as to how to get them all nice, neat, and presentable.

I have managed to add to my list of talents "Keeping up with the laundry". A skill I struggled with for years. Now, there is a nice little schedule that keeps things rolling along.

Beyond the massive amount of space and stuff that seems to paralyze me from even starting is my frugal-ness. (I'm sure Kevin is laughing his head off at that statement......)

I am always on the look out for containers and other organizing paraphernalia but I have a hard time actually buying them. It never feels like a necessity. I understand you usually don't have to spend a ton to get organized, but when I don't have a clear end picture in mind I have trouble spending ANYTHING. Or I have a amazing end picture in mind, but it would cost a ton to achieve and I would rather wait until I have the funding rather that settle. I'm stubborn like that....which doesn't help my cause, I know.

What ends up happening is me waking up determined to get something organized only to end up walking around my house thinking, "Ok, well I've got to do this, this, and this first before I can do this room....."

Perfect. (please note the well placed sarcasm)

I'm full of excuses. It's a super annoying and super hard habit to kick. My excuses feel so valid and yet logically I understand they are just excuses.

Something has got to change. There are only two options people.

A) I change my expectations of how I want my home

B) I change my skill level by actually doing something about it and try to minimize my use of excuses.

I keep trying option A and I keep coming back to feeling blah.

They saying knowing is half the battle.

The other half is actually doing something about it.

30 is the new black

I was surprised to realize how much time had gone by since I posted. Not that there hasn't been plenty to post about, but sometimes I write posts in my head and then forget to download them into the computer. :)

However, I am going to abandon my usual hang up of having to post everything in order and just post about the most recent.

I turned 30 on Dec. 9! THIRTY! The BIG 3 -0!

I have been slightly apprehensive about this birthday for about a year now. Logically, I KNEW 30 wasn't that old, but for some reason, the thought about no longer being a twenty-something twisted up my world a bit.

I finally figured it out the day before my birthday. I vividly remember being 10 and thinking, "Great! Only 11 more years until I get to go on a mission!" So you see I was counting down to my 20's for over a decade. Then I went to college and started learning the lessons I thought I was only going to be able to learn on a mission. When Kevin came home it was very apparent that any mission for me would involve my husband and I could not have been more pleased.

From there, I graduated from college, had 4 babies, bought two homes, a few cars, watched Kev get two degrees and experience most of the "big" defining events of one's life. All in my 20's. I think I was feeling lost. What was I looking toward if I turned 30? That kind of thing.

But, I have come up with a brilliant plan.

I will have one HUGE goal a decade.

Good right?

That way, for me, I will always be growing and learning in a very tangible way. I want this goal to be a real challenge for me. Something that scares me spit-less when I first contemplate going after it. Something that really might need a whole decade to achieve.

This decade's goal I have already shared, but I am moving the deadline.

In my 30's I would like to have a fabric line manufactured.

Instead of a one year time line I now have 10 years to realize this dream/goal.

It makes me excited to be 30 and work toward something I want so much.

For my birthday the kids and Kevin made me breakfast in bed. It was fun to see how into it the kids got.

My best friend Tobi came and spent an hour with me and gave me the cutest card full of 30 reasons why she is happy to be my best friend. It was darling and I will cherish it forever!

My friend, Sabina, took Beckham and Tennyson to her house for a few hours so my mom and I could enjoy an actual conversation while we had lunch, which my mom had picked up from Chilli's.

My visiting teachers Judy and Jo'elle stopped by with yummy treats.

I got phone calls or emails or facebook posts from the people I love.

When Karaia got home from school I was shoveling the driveway. She ran past me saying," I'll be right back mom." I thought she was running to the bathroom before we headed to piano lessons. She came back with the other snow shovel and said, "Why would you want to be working on your birthday? I will shovel for you!"

That right there was one of the best things I received all day!

Latter she also said, "I should have done your hair today."

"Karaia, I did my hair. Can't you tell?"

"Yes, but I was going to do your hair for you for your birthday. It was going to be really pretty."

What a sweetheart.

Kevin took me out to dinner and then kid free shopping ( my favorite kind). I like shopping with Kev, and he hates shopping, so it doesn't happen very often and I am always aware at what a big effort he is making for me. He even acted like he liked it. Thanks!

It was a wonderful day and I felt very loved.

Seems as if 30 isn't so scary after all.

The best stories

You know, the best underdog stories are the ones were someone has a dream and every time they try and realize it they get turned down or metaphorically punched in the gut only to persevere until finally their dreams come true. Very few people, who have great success stories, are without a few gut punches.

Consider my gut punched.

As opposed to taking a month to decide whether to accept what I offered, they took 5 minutes.

I am TOTALLY new to this industry so I wasn't completely naive to think that I had completely nailed it, but I thought I was pretty darn close. Maybe just a few helpful tweaks here and there. The message I got, in the 10 whole minutes spent with me, was that I was no where near anything they would even pretend to consider.

What is the industry you ask with baited breath?

Please let us in on the secret, you say, so we can collectively form a mob and demand them to reconsider (just kidding.....I generally resort to humor at times like this)

Fabric Design

Yup. The thing that has been keeping me up at nights, and burning my soul with a drive I have never felt before, is a need to create a fabric line.

And they hated it.

All 55 pieces.

It was too geometric.

That's how I designed it. I like the geometric look.

She couldn't see a main pattern design.

That would be the one I created very first and patterned subsequent designs after. But it was too geometric and she could not get past that.

I am still really proud of what I created. I wish she would have been able to see the potential, but she didn't and I can't dwell on that too much.

She did invite me to submit other designs.

For now, I will submit my current designs to a few other manufactures around the country. In January I will resume designing a NEW line and go from there.

The punch hurts.

And I've had a good cry. I really thought I had something not just good, but great to offer them. To not have even come close it what stings the most.

Still, I have given myself a year on this journey. Hopefully, not too many more punches, but if that's the road I'm on, I'll take them with pride.

Now that YOU know the road, I'm sure to be more free with all the ups and downs.

Do you want a sneak pick of the designs?

You do?

Here you go......


There are many, many more, and the colors are a little more vibrant than in the picture, but I don't want to give everything away.

Someday I will have a fabric line.

I just need to wait for my stomach to heal a little first and then get back into the ring.

Crossroads

Today at 2:00 I have an appointment.

It has everything to do with this.

I serioiusly thought I would never get to this point. I hoped and dreamed I would, but it seemed too big, to far away. At yet, this afternoon, I will be given my shot. This could ACTUALLY happen.

I can't believe I have been given the chance to actualize a dream. A real life, bonified, nothing short of hard work and divine guidance, dream. And let me tell you, I'm finding I dream big.

The best part of this whole situation is I started with nothing but an idea, a hope, a drive. It's something I wanted in my life and it just.very.well.may.happen!

I have felt very pushed in the right direction and I know Heavenly Father has been very active in all of this. Things have literally fallen into place when I thought I had run into a huge wall. And not just fallen into place, but practically handed to me on a silver platter in a murky fog.

I have decided that after the meeting today I will spill the beans. I won't know for sure whether everthing is a go for another whole month, however, I do feel confident that I have given it my all, 55 pieces all, so success or failure I am ready to share it with everyone with my head held high.

I am thrilled at what I have been able to make from nothing.

I can't wait to share!!!

Ps maybe say a little prayer around 2pm this afternoon.........

A few more weeks

Do you remember this post?

Well, I am happy to say I am only a few weeks away from spilling the beans!

EEEEK!

There have been a lot of ups and downs, but I have been so energized about the whole thing recently, that at this moment I am very optimistic about the future.

It has been an amazing experience for me. I can't wait to share it fully!

Big scary adventure

Have you ever been so passionate about an idea that you can't sleep, you constantly obsess over every possible outcome, you want it to come to life so bad but it feels so daunting and unobtainable, but you've got to try?

Well that's where I am.

Right at the beginning of the most exciting, exhilarating, scare-the-spit-out-of-you, adventures. I have seriously been weepy for the past two days either because I'm thinking about how amazing it will be if I can actually make this work or because I'm terrified that even after my best efforts this dream will remain unrealized.

I'm not ready to spill the beans just yet, not here anyway.....I know mean right? But I really wanted to document how I felt in the beginning. Just. In. Case. It's the failing thing that is holding me back. If I put it out there and then this things fizzles before I even get started I fear it will just add salt to the wound. Be patient. I promise as soon as ANYTHING becomes concrete I will divulge the course of my adventure and bring you along with me for all the ups and downs.

Until then just pray for open doors.

Passion

I love looking at original works of art. I love how complex each piece can be and yet it can seem so simplistic if you are watching a master give it life. Each layer much be thought out, if only seconds before the paint meets the paper. And are then carefully orchestrated to elicit the stirring of the soul that all great works do. I marvel at how some paintings can look incredibly detailed from afar only to find as I step a few feet closer that the lines are much less precise and seem more as an after thought.

On occasion, I am an artist. Although my dad would say on all occasions. But he and my step-mom live in the world of art. My step-mom being and artist herself, as well as being the Director of the Bountiful Davis Art Center, and my dad being a connoisseur of fine art. His over enthusiasm for my talent stems, I believe, from a desire to have produced greatness among the world he has such adoration for. Yet at times, in order to avoid hiding my light under a bushel, I admit to having surprised myself by what I have created. Far from soul stirring, but I believe I am capable of such things.....in time.

Anyone who thrills at seeing original art, especially from local artists knows that you tend to develop a taste for your favorites. Among my favorites is Yevgeniy Zolotsev. He does this amazing wet on wet technique with water color that actually involves using a blow dryer to move and mix the colors. I first saw his work about 5 years ago at Summer Fest. I have been hooked every since. I find myself drawn to his work.

For years I have claimed that one day I will own one of his pieces. On Friday, my step-mom gave me this:


Out of the blue, for no reason other than because she loves me and because she knows I have such passion about Yevgeniy's talents. We both cried in her office. It was a wonderful moment.

It is entitled "South Germany". I have placed it on the mantel of my yet to be remodeled dinning room as it has become the inspiration for the room. How can you not be inspired? Notice how from far away it seems you can walk down the street and it looks crisp and clean, but upon closer look it's all blurred. I wish I could do that!


Thank you, Emma. Thank you for making a dream come true.

It's the little things that make the biggest difference.

The Plan

We've planned a trip to England and France........in the year 2010.........since we're pretty sure Kevin will have a job by then.

I have never been over seas. And as it is a life goal of mine to see both London and Paris we decided that for our 10 year anniversary we will hop the pond, or is it cross the pond. See these are the things I must learn if I am to avoid looking completely like a tourist once there.

We've already decided it will be best to go in September (our anniversary is the end of August) in order to catch a football (soccer to you Yankees) match but be here for Beckham's first day of Kindergarten. We've also concluded that we'll need about two weeks to really appreciate it. Two weeks with no children. It's sad and glorious all in the same moment.

I am highly aware that this little excursion is more than two years away. But the more often I talk about it, the more likely it is to happen. It's best to prepare yourselves now for Europe 2010 updates......'cause they're goin' happen.