Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Motherhood meltdown

We were off all day. The kids were running on a far slower time table than me. Some times I handle this well and change my approach to enable them to hear me more clearly.

Today was not one of those days.

As a result I felt very ignored and disrespected. I shut down and stopped trying.

Exactly what every good mom should do. Please read that with a heavy side dish of sarcasm.

Days like these are compounded by the fact that I know what I should have done but willing chose to be prideful and selfish. You really have to check those two things at the door if you ever want to get decent results with kids. Last time I checked I was the adult. It's up to me to be the example.

Somedays that is a very weighty challenge. One in which I very often fall short of what I've been told is the ideal.

Yes, I have a passion that does not involve my children. I am constantly be reminded that this should not be happening while I still have children at home or this is a clear indicator that I must not really know how important being a mom is. That I am failing.  I feel it.  I internally fight against that rhetoric. I know I am where I am supposed to be. Still...I feel it.

For the record, I understand all too keenly the great privilege and responsibility I have of being a mother. Hence the feelings of supreeme inadequacy. Hence the fight against letting what people tell me is my truth seep into my heart and  keeping what my Heavenly Father has told me is my truth in clear sight.

We are not perfect. At anything really. Other than we are REALLY good at saying," I'm sorry "and "I know I'm not perfect, but I'm trying."

We are a home full of rambunctious, loud, full of life and joy children who also know how to be disrespectful and mischievous. Not because we as parents have allowed that, or have lost control, or have no clue what we are doing, but because they are their own people and have their own minds. All the unwanted behavior they exhibit is seen by us and we also pray on a daily basis that it will not happen. It doesn't mean that it is eliminated. It means we are not perfect.  It means we are constantly trying.

To top this all off I ate half a bag of potato chips even though I fought my way through eating healthy all day!

What is the deal? ! ? Just do what I know I'm supposed to already.


Skye O. said...

opposition in all things right? you are an amazing mother & great example to many!

Mandy said...

I absolutely love this post. For many reasons! You are an amazing woman and mother.

Lawson Family said...

Sounds like your favorite "aunt" will be around the corner as I feel those same feelings monthly.

Hey, at least you're boys didn't go #2 in the backyard like mine did yesterday. Yup. That should make you feel better. :)

Ellis said...

Today is a new day! We are all working to be better today than we were the day before... mom's and children. As long as we are trying we are succeeding! You are amazing and your kids are so lucky to have such a wonderful mother!

jillian said...

Not alone in this. That's all i have to say about this day.