It's important to understand why I blog.
It's meant to be an outlet for my feelings, validation for my thoughts and creative efforts, as well as documentation of my life so my children will have something to refer to if I leave early, go crazy, or become too old to remember accurately.
Keeping that in mind, this next thought is intended to help my children when they have young children of their own. I hope. And perhaps give them insight to any unpleasant memories they may have of me as a young mother. I pray those are few and difficult to recall.
General Conference comes every 6 months. I remember, as a young girl, thinking it lasted forever! Seriously, the speakers talked SO long and it was for two........long...........days.
The older I've gotten the more and more I've looked forward to conference and marveled at how fast it goes by. I cherish my time soaked in Gospel topics.
Now cut to my kids. I remember being their age and dreading Conference, so I get it. I understand it's hard. I try and give them lots of gospel oriented things to do. Conference bingo. Count and record how many times you hear certain words. Cut, color, tape, conference Easter basket. And many more.
But every 6 months, inevitably as someone is giving a wonderful message on the significance of being a loving, patient, parent, I find myself short of temper that my children are giggling, extremely loud, whining.......children. Someone who may or may not have recently said in a less than kind manner, "You are making the Spirit leave!" Nice. It goes both ways Lady.
Sigh.
I want my children to love the Gospel as much as I do. But I do not want to force it on them. I struggle with the balance of teaching reverence vs. forcing reverence. Teaching how to make correct choices vs. forcing correct choices. It is such a fine line.
After a good, long, frustrated cry in the shower, the end of conference was definitely better than the beginning. So there is hope that my efforts are taking root and maybe, just maybe I'll get this mothering thing right during General Conference one of these days.
Until then, I want it to be known that I am trying. With all my might. I'm not perfect, or even good at it, but I hope at least I'm heading in the right direction.
6 comments:
This is the hardest time of your life. being the mother of many young, small children. It is taxing physically and emotionally and spiritually because there is not much time to refuel. Hang in there and don't feel guilty. that just undermines your power for good. You're on the right path and heading up. and it goes fast... I know you have heard that a hundred times, but it is true.
I am in awe at your humility...
In my opinion the deepest foundation is based upon watching a parent be a good example at trying their hardest... keep up the good work.
Oh man I so totally get this. I totally started crying during one ladies talk. All I can say is Thank goodness we have the Ensign, so that I can read these talks.
My kids were at their worst it seemed during all the talks about parenting (which happened to be both days!)
I think the greatest thing is that you want to try and that you're up for the challenge to be a mother to these kids at this time. If that's not courage and determination, I don't know what is.
emilie...sorry i haven't invited you to my blog yet....i have been horrible at checking it this past month. could you send me your email address? mine is linds_aland@hotmail.com btw...i LOVE reading your blog...you should write books! :)
ditto.
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