Friday, February 20, 2009

Fluid and physics

Lets discuss physics and it's relation to bodily fluid.

If you are squeamish about either subject I suggest you find another blog to peruse today. But, you will miss a tale that is bound to bring a spark of hilarity to any dull dinner party you may attend.

You have been warned and counseled, now do as you wish.

First fluid. When a women gets the stage of pregnancy that I am at, it's all about the fluids. For today's discussion we will be mainly focusing on the urine variety. It is required upon all doctor visits for said women (Me) to give a sample of said fluid. While unpleasant earlier in pregnancy it is possible to aim and shoot into the cup, so to speak, and keep things relatively tidy.

This now brings us to physics. Fast forward to the same women, but make her 9 months pregnant. She hasn't seen her feet for awhile and yet they still are asking her to collect her fluid. It has now become a physical inability to do so. The line of vision is being cut off by her over-size basketball shaped belly. Her only hope is to hold the container in the general area of the fluid and hope that she gets lucky.

The usual result is that the fluid coats everything in that general area. You get the picture.

That was the same result I experienced today. Although I must add that I had gathered quite a large sample and was proud of my efforts despite the untidy method. And being the kind, thoughtful patient that I am I always try and wipe the container off before I put it in the little door for the nurses to test it so they are not totally grossed out by their job.

As I was being my thoughtful self the cup slipped, hit the edge of the sink, and emptied itself, almost entirely, on my white clothed protruding belly before it found its way to the floor decorating it as only a disturbed abstract artist could appreciate.

At first, I was upset. I had worked hard for that collection! It's not an easy thing to do to try and defy the laws of physics and yet I had succeed and had done well.

Then I looked in the mirror. I had managed to pee all over my belly.....above the belly button line. No other body parts came in contact. Just the belly, now stained yellow orange on my white shirt. I realized that was talent and burst out laughing. How could you not? Seriously. Pregnancy is so glamous any way why not accessorize.

I laughed as I mopped up the would be art project off the floor.

I laughed as I drenched my shirt trying to AT LEAST take the yellow hue out of it. Upon doing so I was reminded of the magical properties of a white shirt. When it gets wet it becomes transparent.

I then picked up the cup. Hooray! There were still 5 drops remaining! I proudly put those drops in the door, glanced at the now overly visible belly and walked outside to give the nurses something to laugh about for the rest of the day.

And laugh they did.


Colle said...

That is so funny!! I am glad you were able to laugh about it. I always worried I would spill my sample.

Bridget Reed Photography said...

That was funny!!!!!! LOL!!! At least you were able to laugh about it! :)

Chrissy said...

That is hillarious, but only because you could see the humor in the situation and let us laugh with you... I am impressed with your ability to see the funny side of a situation that might, quite frankly, have made me say a bad word.

Anonymous said...

OMG Emilie! That was so funny! I was picturing myself doing the same! LOL..

Megs said...

love the story....but any progressing news down there?

Emilie said...

Oh, yes. I am still at 1 cm (and some wiggle room) and still 70% effaced, but very soft.

Brianna said...

That story made my day and probably my next week as well! It puts a whole new spin on catching 'everything' with your belly.

Teresa said...

Emilie--I love you! This is a great story