Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I went to make my bed this morning.

But the pillows were in just the right places, hours after first leaving them.

The littlest boy was down for a nap, the older two boys watching a show so mom could get ready for the day before taking Beckham to preschool, so I crawled in.


I had to be careful not to immediately fall asleep....that NEVER happens to me.

Why can't it feel like that when I go to sleep at night?

If that's what I had to look forward to I would go to sleep much, much earlier. Instead I go to bed because it's time, not because I am tired. Consequently I toss and turn to find just the right spot, constantly remind myself to stop.thinking.already, and then become frustrated, pick up a book, or sudoku and stay up even later.

I'm sure my lack of sleep contributes to the 15 lbs I STILL have left to lose. That's right people, FIFTEEN. And my baby is a year old. Yes, yes, I did have a slight buffalo wings addiction during Sanders' pregnancy so I had a bit more to lose, but 15? It nearly devastating.

It's not from lack of trying. I've been consistently exercising for well over a month, making healthy choices for food--for the most part-- and nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not 1 lb, not one inch. If anything I weigh even more, although I am not in a state of mind to even come close to admitting that.

Now if my clothes were fitting looser I would just chalk it up to adding muscle to the mix, but nope, not even that glimmer of hope for me.

I also assume it's because I am 30 now. I truly thought all the "rumors" of women having a tougher time losing the weigh 30 years and beyond were wife tales, but I must be a testimony of it because the 2o -something year old me would have seen some results by now.

I really don't care what the scale says as long as the love handles are gone, ya know?

Good bye Love Handles. Your services, whatever they are, are no longer needed.

Do you think that will work?


Brianna said...

I struggle every night to fall asleep too, and it is beyond frustrating!

On the weight... have you tried cutting sugar out all together? Maybe just giving yourself a free day once a week? Just suggestions, and oh how I hate the love handles too! It's the first place I gain weight, and the place I have yet to completly lose... trust me they have so purpose other than creating a definition for the term "muffin top".

Hang in there, and just take that nap!

April said...

WHY CAN"T WE SLEEP!! OUr bodies should just do that naturally... but NO. I've been trying to get off these pills cause I know I'm up eating in the wee hours of the morning, so I go to bed 10, 10:30 and lay there until 2am when I get up and take a blasted pill. I wish my thoughts would just write themselves down and leave me alone.

YOu still look good even with 15lbs more than you want, but I know that doesn't help much. I'm your mom and I have to say that, right?

Lawson Family said...

Ah, I feel your frustration! That is a very annoying place to be. And I want to know who was the one to call them love handles? Really...LOVE handles?

Mary said...

I have such a hard time going to sleep to! It drives me nuts, because I feel like I could go right to sleep during most of the day, but when it's bedtime it eludes me. Grr. Can't figure it out.

AmyPoll said...

I haven't had a hard time with the sleep part because when you consistently only get about 4 hours or less per night, your body just shuts down and says "sleep". As for the weight...just keep trying...persistence is the key. Something that helps a lot of people is to write down everything that they put in their mouth...you might be surprised at some of the things we just forget about and when you write it down, you will see patterns. 30 is a metabolism pitfall...it definitely makes it harder!!! You can do it...just keep trying!!! Also, have you had your hormones checked? They could be slightly out of balance and that can lead to the weight...I know that was what my problem was with all the shots and stuff they had to do before my hysterectomy...just a thought.