It's not that I HAVE to be perfect. I'm just fine with not having a strict schedule and of course there is always something that I should be cleaning. But what I don't like is getting to the end of the day and feeling as if I've failed my children. Feeling that I missed out on something great with them. Something that is only available to me while they are still young.
Maybe I wasn't as patient or kind as I should have been. Maybe I was in a mood and just bugged that I couldn't have a thought of my own without a little voice trying to join in. Instead of delighting in the sound that I know is only going to be around for so long. Maybe I put off playing with them to fold laundry, do dishes, sweep the floor, clean the bathroom (well, that one has yet to happen, but you get what I'm saying). Maybe I got to the end of the day and realized I unintentionally did not read them one single story. Whatever my excuse it still ends the same. Regret.
They play so well together, mostly. They have the whole downstairs, affectionately referred to as The Children's Wing, to themselves. Some days I only see them for meal times. It just means that I need to make the effort to go and join them. But some days, when they are playing so nicely together and only surface for food, I get lost in all the earthly chores or enjoy the "me time" a bit too much.
Kevin's Aunt posted this on her blog and it really struck me. Especially, "Preach all the time, and if necessary, use words." I wonder what my children are "hearing" from me. At night I can always see very clearly how I should have directed my attentions and priorities. But in the moment I forget.
Some days I can only hope my heart is heard louder than my actions and that my actions will soon merge with the desires of my heart.