near screeching halt

Yes, the Disney post IS coming. It's all written, but I am still fighting with the photos. In the mean time too many things have happened and thoughts have been bouncing around in my head. Kevin's grandpa Frank died today. He was a good man and will be missed.

Death always makes me think about life and what I am doing with mine. It is now nearly 1:30am and even for my night owl standards, it is late. These thoughts need to be expressed, documented, and purged. Lucky you. YOU get to read them ;)

I am struggling with my fabric design dream. By struggling, I mean nearly standing still. Not quite, but to the naked eye I may as well be a statue. The dream is still there. Smouldering, with a white, intense heat. But I am at a loss as to how harness that desire, energy, and talent and convert it to real world tangibility. I know where I want to be, but getting there, well that is part of the fun....right?

I did stumble across an interview with Anna Maria Horner, my current all time fav fabric designer. My designer crush, if you will. Not only do I love her designs, but it's her story that inspires me. She just had her sixth child a year ago. Six people! And she is just barely coming into her own in the past couple years. It gives me hope that this can be done, it doesn't have to happen right. this. second. and it can be done at home, surrounded by the measure of my creation, my children.

My favorite quote from her interview, that I think I will have Annie print in vinyl for me (thanks in advance) is this:

"...even more important is to be like nothing else around you.  Imitating others could get you some attention and success for about 5 whole seconds.  Being you will never be realized by being someone else!"

I think this may be part of my problem. I have glamorized being a fabric designer so much in my head that I have searched, and researched designer's "stories", their beginnings, and then I find I tend to design like my current designer crush. My designs are well designed, but they aren't me.

Once I figure that out (easier said than done) I believe my designs will reflect that and hopefully be accepted.

Right now I feel as if I am running in place. Lots of energy and movement, without any ground being covered. I need something to push me forward...just a little. Just enough to move me off my spot.

There.

They are out.

The thoughts, I mean.

Good night.