Friday, July 31, 2009

It can be done, and enjoyed

Kevin has been traveling a lot this year. If I add it all up it comes roughly to a month and an half of him being gone this year, so far.

Surprisingly, I am OK with this.

Just before Beckham turned one, Kevin started his Masters program demanding he be gone 3 nights a week. I tell you what, I was a MESS those two years. The nights he didn't come home until 10:30 pm would send me into panic mode for most of the day, but especially at night. I did get really in shape, however, because I would bundle the kids up in the morning and go for an hour walk and then again during the time the Daddy usually came home. I couldn't stand to be in the house knowing he wasn't going to come home right then.

But now, he is gone for a week and I can take the kids, all of them to the store or to get Snow cones without so much as breaking a sweat.

Don't get me wrong, having him home is what I would choose, but I'm delighted to learn I don't fall apart anymore.

Something about having four kids really agrees with me. I am less stressed and have more Patience than I have with any other number of children. Weird, but true. I am more than content, I am joyful.

I am experiencing, and thankfully recognizing, that I now truly understand "feel the measure of your creation and find joy in your posterity"

Does that mean I never get frustrated, of course not. I'm sure I've blogged enough to prove it. But I am able to find the Joy easier and quicker.

Its good to be a mom. The best thing I've ever done with my life and I'm happy I know it!

Monday, July 20, 2009

Days after

The following days after what will forever be referred to as the Dresser Accident have been met with high emotions.

Thankfully, Tennyson remains emotionally and mostly physically unscathed. You can barely see the goose egg on his head (the only visible sign of the accident. Which is even more testament that he was not alone in that room, but had Heavenly guardians because really there should be more bruises or worse) and that is only if you know what you are looking for and where to look for it.

I, however, fared much worse. If I where to self diagnose I would say it is a little bit of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I find myself re-entering the room, in my mind, to find the dresser toppled over only to realize that I am now short off breath and often times teary eyed.

Yesterday at church I was in constant thought of what could have been. The gratitude to my Heavenly Father was, at times overwhelming and I would, once again, cry.

I am grateful Tennyson is fine. I know I will be too. It will just take a little longer. Mostly, I am grateful and acknowledge the divine intervention that saved my little boy. There is no way to pay that back beyond being the best mother I can.

It sure makes all the little annoyances less....annoying.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Worst ever

We were busy all morning. From the second our eyes popped open. Tennyson had a well visit Doctors appointment at 8:50 am, Mom, Meghan and I are starting a new exercise routine together with today marked as the first day, and Beckham had art class at 10:00.

Everything went smoothly. A good time had by all. By the time we got home everyone was tired and hungry. I quickly whipped up some lunch and then put the younger two to bed while instructing the older two that I needed some Mommy Time on the computer so to play quietly somewhere else.

About an half hour had gone by when Karaia informed me that Sanders was crying. I explained that I didn't think it was him, because I was listening on the monitor and I didn't hear anything coming through that. She gave me a disbelieving look and dashed upstairs to prove me wrong. I paused for a moment, not hearing anything, let alone anyone crying, then continued to what I had been doing.

Karaia came down stairs letting me know that Tennyson was crying and, "Why is he crying like that? He's freaking out."

With Tennyson being two and nap times not on his all time favorites list of things to do, I really wasn't that concerned. But I wanted him to nap so I headed up stairs to put him back in bed.

When I reached the hallway I stopped a moment to see if I could figure out what he was doing from the outside. I couldn't hear any crying, but I did hear an electric toy. I figured he had gotten a bunch of toys out and was biding his time until I came and got him.

I opened the door prepared to scoop him up and put him back in bed. What I was met with instead still makes my heart stop and drop to my feet.

The dresser!!!!

The dresser I had found at D.I that I had painted red and loved because it was a good solid peace of furniture, heavy and well crafted was tipped over on the ground. Tennyson was nowhere to be seen and he wasn't crying anymore. HE WASN'T CRYING ANYMORE!!!!!

Flipping the light on I ran over to the dresser screaming, "Tennyson! OH NO! TENNYSON!!!!"

Finally a noise. A sign of life. I tried and tried to lift the dresser. It was too heavy. I frantically yelled for Karaia and Beckham so I could send them to a neighbor's house for help. No one could hear me.

I can't get the dresser off. I can't get it up. Oh no! Tennyson! I can't lift it! I can't lift it!!!!

I didn't want to leave him but the only thing that was running through my head was, "If this is too heavy for me to lift, he must be having a really hard time breathing. I have to get help. I have no idea how long he's been under here. I can't get it up."

I started screaming toward the window, "HELP! HELP! PLEASE HELP!" in hopes that a passerby would be prompted to come investigate. I didn't want to leave my baby, but I HAD to get help.

I said a quick prayer and told Tennyson I would be right back.

Mommy was coming back. I have to get help! I couldn't get him out!

Sitting here I barely remember my feet touching the ground as I ran to the neighbors.

Please be home.

I rang the door bell and knock on the door a dozen times.

Tennyson is trapped and by himself. I need help. I couldn't get him out. I can't lift it. I need help!

Please, please be home.

Finally the door open. I exploded. Tears and word coming faster than I could control,

"Lori, I need you! The dresser, I don't know how long he has been under there! I can't lift it. Please come!!!!!"

With that I turned and ran home, praying Lori had been able to interpret my hysterical panic and match my speed. We raced through the hallways and I could hear Lori gasp as she came into the room. Quickly we lifted the dresser, exposing Tennyson.

He was curled up in a ball. His head in the center. I snatched him up. MY BABY! My Tennyson! How long had he been under there? Why hadn't I heard the crash. Drawers and clothes everywhere.

At this point I started hyperventilating. I tried to calm down to look at him, but I couldn't. I had to hold him. Close. He is sweaty and so hot. How long was he under there. Why didn't I hear the crash? Lori finally calmed me down enough helping me examine him. The only visible sign of trauma was a goose egg on his head and a red stripe on his torso.

His eyes don't look right to me.

All he wanted was me, his blanket and to sleep. I had to get him to the doctor.

That dresser. It was so heavy. I don't know how long he was under there. I couldn't lift it up. I couldn't get him out..........

I called the doctor from the car letting her know I was coming. Before I could get to her office she had gone over everything that happened and what he looked like and how he was acting. Thankfully, she was fairly certain he was OK. But watch him for the next two - three hours because if something was wrong it would come on fast.

I turned the car around and called Kevin. I met his answer with fast words, tears, and some more hyperventilation. I had to pull over the car. The relief, horror, guilt, and gratitude came all at once proving to be a force stronger than I could control. I couldn't help myself. I had to let the feelings come. It was awful. I couldn't lift it up. It was so awful!Tennyson!

From what Kevin could glean from my emotional phone call he decided it was best to come home. Love him for that.

Then I called my sister Meghan, who is a nurse. I thought I had gotten all the emotions out talking to Kevin, but as soon as she answered, the wave of emotions hit me again and, once again, I hyperventilated everything that had happened, "The dresser fell on Tennyson. I don't know how long he was under there. I couldn't lift it up. I couldn't lift it up! The doctor said he was fine. Will you come and look at him. I need you!"

She came as fast as she could, spending a good 45 minutes looking him over and observing his behavior coming to the same conclusion as the doctor.

I spent a good chunk of the rest of the day holding Tennyson and asking how he was. Asking if he had been scared. If he had been under there a long time. Mostly, however, I sat and hugged him, stared at him, thanking Heavenly Father for letting him stay with me.

After I was sure, really sure, he was OK and Kevin would keep an eye on him, the fatigue washed over me.

I slept.

For hours.

Hearing no noise and having no dreams.

Waking up I found my sweet Tennyson playing and laughing and jumping.

Gratitude, relief, and horror encompass me again. Only this time I can control them a bit and focus on the gratitude. It could have turned out so different and yet it didn't.

Miracles do still happen.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Completion of projects

I am struggling here.

I have so many project started that I no longer have room (or so it feels) to finish any of them until I finish all of them.

Do you see my problem?

There seems to be no apparent pecking order to my, eh hem, creative, need to organize, general house up keep, madness.

If I do the dishes the laundry will have to wait. If I do laundry the half de-wallpapered bathroom will have to wait. If I continue to strip wallpaper, the quilt will have to wait. If I repair the quilt, command central will have to wait. If I work on command central, the dishes will have to wait.


How does anyone get anything done?

(the list is actually longer than that, but I should be doing something on that list instead of blogging about it, so I am trying to keep it short)

Plus then there's the making of meals, and the finding activities for the kiddos to do while I get anything done.

THEN there's the mess the kids made while I was getting stuff done that gets added to the rotation.

I need an extra Me around here.

Before this dilemma however, I was able to get one project done, almost.

Tennyson's Big Boy room.
I just have one more set of vinyl to put up, but Here, take a peek.

Did you notice the sports balls on the walls?

They are scattered on all four walls, just a shade lighter than the paint color. (you can see them better in real life)

Did you the notice the jersey number are actually
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10?
(the one got damaged in the mail...a new one is in the works)

That's right, not only is it a bedroom, its a learning room

One project down.

A bazillion to go......

Friday, July 10, 2009

A major factor

I'm tired.

The I-can-barely-keep-my-eyes-open kind of tired.

I haven't been sleeping very well the last few nights

Kevin has been gone since Wednesday at Young Men's Camp. I don't sleep very well on my own. Knowing this I usually try and stay up as late as possible until I am practically asleep on my feet eliminating the possibility of my brain keeping me up all night with worry about the sounds I might think that I possibly heard.

When Kev's here I don't worry about those sounds. If I hear anything I poke him in the back and ask if he will go check it out. He always does, without complaining, and that's why I love him.

This staying up late routine helps me get to sleep, but I don't usually have much time once I actually get in bed. The morning and midnight feedings come far too quickly and I am usually beyond tired by the time I absolutely.....must.....get.....out.....of......bed.

When I am this tired, I am different. I don't get as much done which in turn stresses me out causing my already short patience bucket to become even further depleted. Therefore making the likelihood of an irrational Mommy Moment to become more frequent. The kids usually have NO idea why thing that are usually OK are suddenly the worst. thing. ever. Poor things.

When normally I can multitask and hold several conversations at once the tiredness effects my ability to do so and my kids hear, "Hold on. I can't talk to you right this second. I'm making a sandwich and I have to think about what comes next."

I'm not exaggerating. I've actually said that before.

Things just aren't as pleasant around here when I'm tired. I'm glad Kevin is coming home today.

I think the kids are too. They need a break from mom.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


This sun-drained cutie lost her first tooth, Monday, July 6, 2009.

She totally looks like Kevin in that second picture with her mouth open.

The tooth had been wiggly for awhile. Monday morning Karaia bit down on some hard brown sugar in her oatmeal causing the tooth to practically jump out of her mouth on it's own. She worked on it for the rest of the day until Kevin convinced her to let him finish it off.

She was so brave. No crying at all. And man was she proud. She has been waiting for this day for a long time. She immediately called her grandmas and grandpas. Then, of course, she had to run over to the neighbors and tell her friend, Sophie.

After she had been at Sophie's for awhile I walked over to ask her to come in. She headed toward our house, skipping at the thought of the Tooth Fairy making her very first visit to the underside of her pillow, when she suddenly frozen, spun around and dropped to the grass on her hands and knees. I knew immediately what had happened.

She had dropped the tooth!

I paused for a moment to see if she could find it. It didn't want to disturb the grass causing the small, baby tooth to sink to the soil. Quickly, it became apparent that she was having no luck. I ran over to console her. She was extremely upset.

Her biggest concern was that she would have to wait until she lost ANOTHER tooth before she would get a visit from the Tooth Fairy. I explained that we could write her a note explaining what happened and all would be well. Thankfully, that calmed her down.

Here is the note:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I lost my first tooth!
But then I dropped it in the grass.
It is at my neighbor's in the backyard.

Love, Karaia

Beckham asked if the Tooth Fairy would still come if kids were awake.

"No. She won't"

"Oh. I was going to wait up for her, but I guess I won't now."

After learning that little bit of Tooth Fairy etiquette , Karaia asked if I would go over to the neighbor's and remind them not to stay up because the Tooth Fairy had to go into their backyard to look for her tooth. And to please go right NOW as it was a very pressing matter.

At least she said please.

Lucky for her the Tooth Fairy thought the note was great and even left her $1.

Karaia speaks a little funny now because her tongue is forever feeling the hole her tooth left but nothing could be cuter!

Oh and for the record, Kevin figured out that in 2015 the Tooth Fairy will probably leave $11 under the pillows of our kids. I glared at him at told him I'm SURE she will survive even after having to give SO much money away to ONE family. Men.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Four Months

Sanders turned four month July 2.

His stats:

13 lbs (25%)
25 inches (55%)
head 20%

That's good. He was down in the 14% at his 2 months at 10 lbs. I swear he gained the 3lbs since we switched to formula. I mean look

We've got wrinkles on the neck now!

Look at those delicious fat cheeks!

Those last pictures describe Sanders perfectly. Happy, easy going, chill baby. Completely different than the baby who was starving. From the second we switched. It was hard, but it was right for him.....for us.

He is quite skilled with his hands and loves to grab whatever lands in his little lobster claws and drag it into his mouth.

He is an excellent sleeper. Can't ask for better than that.

He LOVES watching his siblings and giggles at their craziness.

He prefers to be facing out, but loves to try and drag you into a sloppy kiss if he can get his hands just right on your face.

He is easy going and a perfect 4th child. Goes with the flow and does it with a smile.

I can't believe how lucky I am.

He is mine.

On a side note. I FINALLY finished his quilt!

The Bed

The family reunion was coming upon us.

That meant one thing.


With four kids under 7. Two of which were still in "containers", a.k.a. cribs, at night. The problem was we only had one pack N' play.


It was time for Thing 3 to move to a big boy bed.

Kevin had a business trip in Texas and was gone for a week. All week long I prepared Tennyson for the big day.

"When Daddy gets home you get to sleep in your big boy bed!"

"No! No big boy bed. Crib!"

Every day was the same despite my silly cheer leading attempts to get him excited about this next big adventure.

Daddy finally came home. A week before the camping trip. It was time for the crib to come down. We thought having Tennyson help take it down would help him own the transition and come around.


We killed his best friend and tried to convince him to help. He cried and cried and begged and begged for his beloved crib.

Despite all the drama, things went very smoothly that night.

I read him a few books, said our goodnight routine, shut the door, and waited for the wailing and gnashing of teeth to begin.


He was quiet. No pounding at the door. No rustling around the room.

Easiest. transition. ever.

When we went to check on him that night this is what we found.

And this was the next night.

But at least he is in bed.

He has been fantastic. Let's hope potty training goes as smoothly........HA!