Sunday, March 30, 2008

Question of the Year

"Why did Heavenly Father make me a slow eater?"

Monday, March 24, 2008


What I like about life is that it can change in a moment. The fact that a mere moment can change the course you were traveling is delightful and intriguing to me. It can happen anywhere, at anytime, and by any means. I find It usually happens when you are searching or longing for answers. Whether you are actively pursuing or unknowingly seeking, makes no difference. When the answers come you realize you now feel a bit more complete. Have a plan. Feel an excitement for what tomorrow holds. In one small, almost unnoticeable, space of time your thinking has changed. I say thinking as opposed to life because one's thinking must first alter it's direction in order for one's life to have new meaning.

I watched a movie last night that provided such a moment. Although humble (It's rated G for goodness sake) and unassuming it has created, what I hope to be, a lasting effect on me. The movie is Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I encourage everyone to watch it. You, of course will take away from it what you will, but for now I will share my thoughts.

I have been striving to find new ways to reach my potential as a mother. During the movie my answer was placed before my eyes in a moment that undoubtedly came from a loving Father above. All that needs doing is a little more magic. This my seem logical and obvious to you, but I feel as if I've been told a great secret.

Who says parents must be practical, agenda following, Emily Post aficionados ever trying to get their children to become the same? Children will grown up and soon figure that out on their own. For now I must show them the magic and silliness in everyday little things. I believe the more magic I can create for my little ones, (you know--the kind that makes their eyes sparkle and you can actually SEE their imaginations working!) in our everyday world the more I will help them see that their potential is endless and unlimited.

The more magic I share the more I can help them see their true worth. The more I can see the world through their eyes the better I can teach them of the Gospel in ways that will be meaningful to them. The more I can delight in and experience the little wonders of this Earth with them the more they will feel safe showing me who they really are. Can you imagine the greatness I will find?!

A question answered and wisdom give in one. small. moment. For that I am grateful.

Friday, March 21, 2008

New Look

Thank you to all who commented about my last post! It is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings and that as a new day comes things always look different. And it did. Your kind words helped me prepare to see the new day for what it is and press forward with a new found hope and purpose. Thank you.

Monday, March 17, 2008


It's not that I HAVE to be perfect. I'm just fine with not having a strict schedule and of course there is always something that I should be cleaning. But what I don't like is getting to the end of the day and feeling as if I've failed my children. Feeling that I missed out on something great with them. Something that is only available to me while they are still young.

Maybe I wasn't as patient or kind as I should have been. Maybe I was in a mood and just bugged that I couldn't have a thought of my own without a little voice trying to join in. Instead of delighting in the sound that I know is only going to be around for so long. Maybe I put off playing with them to fold laundry, do dishes, sweep the floor, clean the bathroom (well, that one has yet to happen, but you get what I'm saying). Maybe I got to the end of the day and realized I unintentionally did not read them one single story. Whatever my excuse it still ends the same. Regret.

They play so well together, mostly. They have the whole downstairs, affectionately referred to as The Children's Wing, to themselves. Some days I only see them for meal times. It just means that I need to make the effort to go and join them. But some days, when they are playing so nicely together and only surface for food, I get lost in all the earthly chores or enjoy the "me time" a bit too much.

Kevin's Aunt posted this on her blog and it really struck me. Especially, "Preach all the time, and if necessary, use words." I wonder what my children are "hearing" from me. At night I can always see very clearly how I should have directed my attentions and priorities. But in the moment I forget.

Some days I can only hope my heart is heard louder than my actions and that my actions will soon merge with the desires of my heart.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Battling bugs

The boys are sick. I have been cleaning up bodily fluids, that really should remain in the body or at least remain contained in the diaper, for two long days.

Last night, Beckham, poor kid, was woken up by his dinner wanting out. I put him in a bath so I could change the sheets and spray Lysol on anything I remembered him touching that day. I was checking on him between sprays 'cause he's three and all "How to be a good Parent" books clearly state that you should avoid having any of your children drown.

After a particularly successful spray of the railing, I entered the bathroom to find Beckham lying on his back relaxing in the calming water.......completely asleep! Thank goodness I was checking! I was almost tempted to take a picture because he was so peaceful with his hands and feet floating like that, but thought better of it due to the nakedness factor. He'll thank me later when I tell that story to his girlfriend and I don't have pictures to go along with it.

Anyway, the boys are sick, I am carrying the Lysol around like it's an oxygen tank, and I think I can see a cloud plume of disinfectant protection starting to form near the ceilings.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Lessons on life

Karaia was a bit, OK more than a bit, whiny at the dinner table last night. I placed her PLAIN french toast in front of her only to be bombarded with the nail-on-the-chalk-board voice about how she didn't want syrup on it.

I told her that was just fine, she didn't have to have syrup on her toast, but she needn't whine it to me. Just telling me what she wanted was a much better choice. She must have shut off the listening portion of her brain because she continued to whine about how much she really, really did not want something so horrid as sugar flavored water to contaminate her meal.

Finally, Kevin had enough and explained, "We've already told you that you don't need to have syrup on your toast. If you whine one more time about it I am just going to take it away and you won't get any dinner at all." (Yes, I know. Not the best of all behavior altering techniques but we openly admit we are not perfect parents so please refrain from sending us hate mail or placing dry ice bombs in our mail box. We are a work in progress.)

Beckham however, who is not above giving Kevin, or anyone, a few pointers about life and parenting in general, informed him, "But Dad, she could die!"

Kev had to turn away suddenly to "look" at the backyard before he could tell Beckham, with a straight face, that nobody ever died from missing one meal.

Friday, March 7, 2008


I love looking at original works of art. I love how complex each piece can be and yet it can seem so simplistic if you are watching a master give it life. Each layer much be thought out, if only seconds before the paint meets the paper. And are then carefully orchestrated to elicit the stirring of the soul that all great works do. I marvel at how some paintings can look incredibly detailed from afar only to find as I step a few feet closer that the lines are much less precise and seem more as an after thought.

On occasion, I am an artist. Although my dad would say on all occasions. But he and my step-mom live in the world of art. My step-mom being and artist herself, as well as being the Director of the Bountiful Davis Art Center, and my dad being a connoisseur of fine art. His over enthusiasm for my talent stems, I believe, from a desire to have produced greatness among the world he has such adoration for. Yet at times, in order to avoid hiding my light under a bushel, I admit to having surprised myself by what I have created. Far from soul stirring, but I believe I am capable of such time.

Anyone who thrills at seeing original art, especially from local artists knows that you tend to develop a taste for your favorites. Among my favorites is Yevgeniy Zolotsev. He does this amazing wet on wet technique with water color that actually involves using a blow dryer to move and mix the colors. I first saw his work about 5 years ago at Summer Fest. I have been hooked every since. I find myself drawn to his work.

For years I have claimed that one day I will own one of his pieces. On Friday, my step-mom gave me this:

Out of the blue, for no reason other than because she loves me and because she knows I have such passion about Yevgeniy's talents. We both cried in her office. It was a wonderful moment.

It is entitled "South Germany". I have placed it on the mantel of my yet to be remodeled dinning room as it has become the inspiration for the room. How can you not be inspired? Notice how from far away it seems you can walk down the street and it looks crisp and clean, but upon closer look it's all blurred. I wish I could do that!

Thank you, Emma. Thank you for making a dream come true.

It's the little things that make the biggest difference.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Statue School

Because I was just sooooo looking forward to Kevin going back to work, I decided to add a couple of extra kids to my first few days back as a Daytime Single.

My step-brother and his wife spent a few nights celebrating their upcoming anniversary at The Inn on the Hill. We were very happy to entertain and feed their two daughters as to keep them alive while they went and tried to remember how to communicate when someone is not trying to interrupt you. As all couples must do every now and then just to prove to ourselves that it IS actually possible.

Morgan (5) and Brooklyn (2) came Monday afternoon and got to have 2 sleepover nights! It was a very good thing they came when they did. It helped to have cousins around to distract Karaia and Beckham from the fact that dad is no longer available as a toy.

It also helped me. Kids require less when they have someone to play with. Everyone, for the most part, got along and we only had a few, "She sat on my head" and, " They took my toy" tragedies.

They are both darling girls who behaved very well while they were here. However, you do learn a lot about a person, miniature or not, when you spend a great deal of time with them. I became quickly aware that although Brooklyn just turned 2 in Dec. she has certain negotiation powers that she has fine tuned.

She chose an action that resulted in a time out. She informed me in her broken Everything-Starts-With-A-D language that, No, she would not being going to time out seeing that her next scheduled event was to play with Barbies. Being that I have a few inches on her, I just listened to her politely as I carried her to the time out spot. It was quite clear that this spot was not ideal as she could still see the movie that was playing. I moved her upstairs and faced her to the wall.

After her allotted two minutes I reminded her why she got placed in time out and asked her to please apologize.


"OK, you may sit there for a few minutes more. But as soon as you say sorry you get to go play with the Barbies."

Icy glare

A few minutes later......

"Are you ready to say sorry?"


We repeated this little conversation every few minutes. She just sat there studying the wall. She didn't whine, wiggle, squirm, pick at the carpet, turn to see if I was still looking, or make one little sound. I have NEVER seen a girl of her age be so still......or quiet! It was incredible. And by the 30 min. mark I was really feeling like a big meanie, but I believe once you put it out there you have to follow through on the rules.

Thankfully, after 45 MINUTES she decided she'd seen enough of that particular shade of brown. She kindly said sorry, gave me a hug and a kiss and skipped off to get lost in the glamorous world that is Barbie as if the last 45 minutes, of what I will now refer to as Statue School, never happened.